Saturday, 25 December 2021

Feliz navidad

It’s Christmas, and.... Isaac is well!!! Not sure what 2022 will hold, but I’m taking this one as a win. 

As I walked the dog home from visiting the grandparents earlier, they took a detour simply to pass me shouting ‘bus wankers’ at the top of their voices with their Dad (...terrible TV joke, but had me in stitches). 

Wishing you all a healthy, happy Christmas. We miss many of you aplenty. Apologies for the lack of cards, yet again. I’m saving trees but sending love x 

Our beautiful, funny, cheeky... and frickin adorable ones. I am hugging them extra tight this year, thinking of those who sadly can’t. Love, love, love x 















Tuesday, 21 December 2021

A merry little Christmas

.... we wish you all! 

Isaac is COVID boosted, which is a present enough for me this Christmas. 

* Thank you to everyone who has been vaccinated, again, and again and again, not only for their own health, or their families, but to help protect those more vulnerable in society. It makes a huge difference to people with CF, and many other conditions. If not for yourself, then consider it volunteering for those in need, via needle * 

Isaac’s third booster, despite being Pfizer again, like his first two, resulted in fever and sickness. It seems to be waning now, on day four.... unless of course, it’s not side effects, but CF infection peaks... always hard to say with Ise. Anyway, today has been better, and we still hope for a well and happy Christmas. While Anouk and Isaac are fully fledged teens, they, like us, still enjoy little Rosa’s Christmas innocence and energy, which adds a certain sparkle to Christmas which I miss as they grow out of it. 

Our annual raffle at work raised over £4,400 for the cystic fibrosis trust. This is our 16th year. From very humble beginnings of a few gifts from suppliers... to a huge event, including highlights from team scavenger hunts to a draw for prizes including noise cancelling headphones, a Hotel Chocolat Velvetier, Echo dots, to massage guns. Sophie and Gem... how far we have come!!! Thank you for helping me launch this when I still felt hollowed out. I hope you are as proud as I am of what it has become ♥️


Christmas lights 2021 with the kids, and our newest baby cousin, little Lyra ♥️














Friday, 3 December 2021

Adulting

My child. Officially in adult care, at age 16. 

First day was exhausting, tests from 8am- 5pm, and then an emotional farewell to our beloved paediatric team when we dropped off presents and IV pumps. Isaac was great - speaking so much more to the new team, and being more honest about the treatments he is less compliant with (a decent amount of physiotherapy, mostly). Lung function was a smidge better. All the other tests (diabetes bloods, CF etc.) we now wait on. 

Our day in pictures... (apologies for the lazy post... more soon). 
Thank you for reading x 


New hospital, new CF ward, private rooms with ensuite. Not so bad. 



Caroline, our CF nurse for the last 16 years, and one of the kindest people I have ever met. 

Same site. New views. 



Doodles galore in hospital. 

Exhausted! 



















Monday, 29 November 2021

Quick update

Lung function - down, but not abysmal. 
Anti-fungal drugs - underway. 
Tummy - unforgiving.
Plan? - transition to adult care and make a new plan. 

Next post will likely be an epic ode to our amazing paediatric team, many of whom who have been with us all sixteen years.  We are going to miss them immensely, but also know, it is time to move on (sob!). First appointment this week, including tests 8am-5pm, including chest X-ray, CT, glucose testing, lung function, bloods....the lot. Long day, but looking forward to seeing the brand spanking new hospital that will become our new home from home x 

PS. And wow, just re-read a post from five years ago, pre-portacath (read here). If anyone is needing but doubting getting a port, we can only say that it’s been miraculous for us. Isaac has so few viable veins for access now, and the ease of starting IVs quickly and easily, is such a huge relief. 


Wednesday, 3 November 2021

November

Quotes from me on the CF Trust website..... I cannot tell you how much the Trust do to support us and the CF Community. Read more about gene therapy progress here. Talking of the Trust, the annual festive raffle that we organise at my work is underway, thanks, as always, to my amazing colleagues - and it feels so good to be fundraising again after the break that the pandemic has enforced.

Isaac is... much the same. Not great, and fighting the battle he wants to fight right now. He is not improving on oral abx (Cipro) although his pseudoA infection should be sensitive to this drug. He wants to delay IV’s (I get this) and try anti fungals first (I get this too, but worry that we are delaying action and this might be causing long term damage). He has a point, since his last exacerbation saw him only better after the anti-fungals (and steroids), but the typical path would be to try IV’s first, to treat the bacterial infection we know he has. Anyway, CF team have agreed to a blood test to see his infection markers for Aspergillus (his fungal infection) first, to see if that might be the best path. It’s good that he is wanting to participate in these decisions about his care, but also, bang-head-on-wall-with-worry-frustrating at times. Hopefully we will have a plan by tomorrow. 

Thank you for reading x x x 



Monday, 18 October 2021

Bumps

Isaac is not so great right now. There are a lot of nasty bugs out there, right? Post lockdown bug vengeance, the little shits. I’m sat here tonight, not ill, but with no voice (every meeting I had today started with a squeaky whisper when I opened my mouth, or a slightly off-putting Al Pacino huskiness). My sweet nephew and many others I know have COVID (rates are high around here currently) and there is a cold going round that is wiping people out for days. 

Isaac has none of these (yet). This is just another bump in the very lumpy bumpy life of CF. And I hate it. 

In applying recently for his PIP (personal independence payments) I had the absolute displeasure of describing our day to day challenges in minute detail, and in writing about it (the paperwork is long, painful and laborious) I was reminded of the fact that CF robs us of spontaneity. When acutely unwell, lives are temporarily disrupted, maybe my lack of voice means I have a cold coming on that will annoy me for a few days. But chronic illness means constant and extreme disruption. Because of CF we are unable to plan ahead with any certainty (when will his next course of IVs be?) roam freely (what bugs will he catch next? And will the next one be the one that floors him again?) or to really, truly enjoy the good bits (it’s never an IF he will be sick again, it’s always WHEN). 

Isaac is coughing a lot (we’ve introduced a third antibiotic into the mix, but it’s not helping as yet) and the sinus pain is building (ENT backlog means we are still waiting for a scan, let alone a surgery date). 

Explaining CF to someone today, I said I would just love, absolutely love, for him to sleep soundly one night, really well. Just that. Is that so much to ask for? 

Isaac is not eligible for the wonderful new CFTR modulator drugs you may have heard about in the news (Kaftrio, Orkambi, Kalydeco) as he has two rare, class 1 mutations, meaning he never forms the correct CFTR protein in the first place, so needs a very different kind of fix (read more about his annoying mutations here.). However, there is much research going on that gives us hope (e.g. using other, non CFTR channels to compensate for the lack of CFTR). We need to keep up the momentum (which includes awareness and fundraising). I know it will happen, it’s just whether it will be soon enough for our boy that I worry about. 

The PIP process has been difficult, and continues to be. I hate having to explain, again, that CF can somewhat appear to be an invisible disease, but that he is breathing disabled, and that CF affects his bones, his kidneys, liver, pancreas, sinuses, guts, his well-being..... as well as his long suffering lungs. CF is a progressive, genetic disease, and yet they challenge us, year after year, to describe why he deserves the tiny support PIP (previously DLA) provides him. Frustrated doesn’t quite cover it. 

Thank you for reading x keep well x 

Man Ray ❤️


Friday, 8 October 2021

CF Live!

If you would like to get an update on some truly frickin groundbreaking research, that aims to benefit Isaac and other CF sufferers in that last 10% of CF peeps for which the current small molecule drugs (Kaftrio, Orkambi, Kalydeco) will never work for (he needs a very different kind of fix) and, eeek, weirdly including me on the panel (looking awkward and sounding about twelve) follow this link x hurrah for hope! 



Monday, 4 October 2021

CF Live

CF LIVE

We're bringing together the cystic fibrosis (CF) community, people 
involved in CF care, researchers and others with an interest in CF 
for a series of online events. Find out more about CF LIVE and 
register for the next event.

Through CF LIVE, expert panels will share the latest information 
and updates from the world of cystic fibrosis. We’ll cover a wide 
range of subjects and you’ll have the opportunity to be part of 
the discussion by submitting questions.

6 October 2021 – Spotlighting the development of new 
treatments for CF, inclusive of all mutations. 

At this CF LIVE you’ll hear about laboratory studies developing 
treatments to target alternatives to the CFTR protein and get an 
update on the (literally) cutting edge world of gene editing. 
If successful these approaches could lead to more effective 
treatments, inclusive of those who are not able to take Kaftrio 
or Kalydeco (like Isaac).

Oh, and I’ll be on the live panel. EEK!  

Register here if you are interested x 

Saturday, 25 September 2021

Hey...

Sorry, not posted much of late. I’ve not been feeling quite right for a while now. Most likely my beloved IBS (I hate my own guts) but this week had a gastroscopy and colonoscopy (I mean, why not both ends?). Feel like my internal organs have been through a spin cycle. Or like the consultant played Tetris with my innards. The hospital experience only reminds me further of how much Isaac goes through, again and again, and how well he lives this life. 

He is doing... OKish right now. College is going well, including more walking than he is used to, bus rides, being on his feet in the workshop all day (he is studying joinery and carpentry). He’s missed a couple of days already, which is.... difficult (being such a practical course). His sinuses are giving him jip, and we are chasing up ENT for an appointment, who have a huge pandemic backlog, and then likely surgery (his fifth? I think). This means headaches and nausea. His tummy is not great either, but at least his lungs are behaving well(ish). We are bracing ourselves for a difficult winter of bugs, but he will have his flu vaccine soon, and his COVID booster. 

Anouk and Rosa are doing well. Rosa is completely nuts for ponies, as was I at that age, and is proving to be a gifted rider. Anouk fills the house and garden with all her teeny friends and the laughter echoes through the walls. I wish I could shake off this tiredness, but still, I am soaked in love, and there are much worse things than annoying guts. I dream of their soft skin and giggles. 

Keep well x x x PS: will post soon about a CF Live event, which I will be a part of. Exciting! 

#edit, Isaac came home from college today with a raging fever. Hello autumn. 

Jacek Tofil ❤️



Monday, 30 August 2021

College... tomorrow (eek!)

I’m sure I’ve posted these pictures a few times before. But he hardly lets me picture him anymore (ARGH!). Today we cycled to his new college together - he hopes to mix bike and bus. It is not a short distance (took about an hour today, but that said, I had a slow puncture, and he is very unfit after a summer of gaming and being unwell. Pretty sure he could get this down to 45). I can’t tell you how proud I am of him for trying. He is doing so much better, and the timing could not be more perfect, after a shitty couple of months for him. I’m feeling a mix of excitement and trepidation for him.... but the reasonable part of my mind knows this will be good for him. Sixth form, new friends, a better routine. Renewed reasons for staying as well as he can. That’s the hope. 

My children are so frickin extraordinary, all of them x x x 

















Wednesday, 25 August 2021

Hope for the 10%

Little video clip here about the ongoing work to find a treatment that will work for those, like Isaac, with the rarer CF mutations. It’s been so, so wonderful to hear all the stories of CF peeps benefiting from Trikafta/Kaftrio - it fills my heart with joy and hope. Us next, please! 

Today has been a good day - his chest is settling, the cough receding. He is so much better than he was, and my fluttering heart and funky adrenaline response are slowly falling. My body seems behind my mind by a few days. 

Now, Isaac is looking at starting college. He seems happy. This will be good for him. 

Keep well out there x 

Pintupi artist Wentja Napaltjarri



Saturday, 21 August 2021

A little better, day by day

He’s still not right. 
Nor is he pulling his weight, treatment wise. 
Starting college might be just the thing we need. 
A routine. 
A desire to keep well. 
New friends. 
For me, I am taking it easy - after many fretful weeks, I can’t seem to turn off the stress response in my body. 
These gorgeous girls and the beach helped no end (thank you Fountain’s for taking us ❤️) 

Keep well x 










Sunday, 15 August 2021

Still coughing

Waiting for the treatment to work. His nights are the worst. It’s typical for him to get worse before he gets better, but this is four weeks now of coughing so much more. Like the superstar he is, his spirits are high ❤️

Love this Lydia Okumura. 




Tuesday, 10 August 2021

Plans and rosettes

My instincts were right. Maybe instinct is not the right word, since it was pretty plain to see that he was no better. My senses were right (and painfully assaulted). Isaac’s lung function is lower than when we started IVs, and symptomatically, he is just the same (if not a little worse today). 

However, good chat with the doctors today, and we have a plan. Stop IVs (he is now de-accessed and showered!). Start four weeks of antifungals and steroids. 

Antifungals as we’ve tried targeting the bacteria, and that hasn’t improved how he feels, so this is our next best bet (we know he has aspergillus and pseudomonas in his lungs, but initial tests had suggested the pseudo was causing this exacerbation, and the aspergillus blood markers were not as high as they have been recently). Steroids to help turn off his own inflammatory response. 

This is turning out to be a seven week treatment plan, on top of everything he usually does, and the side effects of these drugs are not the best. But he is needle free (we’re trying oral antifungals rather than IV in hospital) and feeling free! He starts college in just a few weeks, and we so want him well for that. Two days until his exam results too (eek!). 

It’s good to have a plan, and for now, I am focussing on that. Sorry, recent posts have been a bit morose. This one has been hard. You are only ever as happy as your least happy child, as they say, and that’s the same for wellness. 

Keep well, and thank you for reading. Please do share if you would like to help raise awareness of cystic fibrosis x 

Rosa bean after her first ever horse show. She has found her passion in life! ❤️




Monday, 9 August 2021

Circles

Isaac is no better. 
But he is no worse. 
Week three of extra antibiotics, and nothing. Nada. 
It’s like circles of drugs and coughing, coughing and drugs. 
Hospital review tomorrow.
Maybe the test results will surprise me? 
Please let me be wrong! 
He says he will refuse to go in if they want to admit him. 
This is hard. 

Kandinsky circles.



Monday, 2 August 2021

Adrenaline junky

We are still home. 
IVs are going OK. 
Doing home IVs always leaves me with this low level anxiety which gives me the constant shakes and no appetite. 
I don’t know why. Since we’re thankful to be at home and not on the ward. 
Adrenaline likely. 
How many times have I done this? 500 hundred? A thousand doses? 
Giving them is fine, but mixing them is no fun. Have you seen the size of those teeny vials against my shaking hands and summer sausage fingers? 
Review with the team tomorrow, and lung function tests. 
I’m not sure how this one will go. 
He is coughing so much still. 
He says if they ask him to come in, he will refuse. 
This is hard. 

Keep well x


Bauhaus love. 



Tuesday, 27 July 2021

Exhausted from coughing/IVs

Apologies for the slightly morose last post. We are exhausted beyond mumbles. Sleeping only a few hours a night. But... we are also home (thank you thank you thank you). 

It was touch and go for being admitted. Something I had not pre-warned Isaac about because I knew I’d struggle to get him into clinic at all if he knew (he is currently adamant that he will not stay in hospital). Right now, the wards are riddled with COVID, but also normally winter bugs, such as norovirus, which they think have come early due to the pandemic and us staying home more. It’s odd. These bugs are relentlessly cunning. 

For us, this means limited beds - so a reprieve for now. They would also much rather him be safe and home than on the ward. However, we can only stay home if he a) responds to the drugs, and b) adheres to his physio routine, which he struggles with when he feels so crappy. 

We kicked off his usual menu of Ceftaz and Tobi with a side of NAC. Bloods results due in the next couple of days will say if he needs an anti-fungal kicker too. This is his first home IVs in months, which is amazing for Isaac, so we shall not complain. Still, summer timing is always frustrating (not that we had holiday plans). 

Lovely chat with our much loved CF nurse while the drugs were infusing. She said when Kaftrio was finally licensed for use in the U.K., she was tasked with going through the list of patients that they had, to see who would be eligible. When they realised that Isaac was in the 10% minority that this drug would NOT work for, the team were all gutted (being one of the less well on their list). I know they all care, but hearing this bought a tear to my eye. 

Yet again, they managed to get us in to clinic at 24 hours notice, and safely home with two weeks of drugs within hours. Love our team. 

Keep well out there x 

(oh, and did I tell you that his port is bleeding back again, after 18 months of not doing so? Some good news, which my CF friends will understand - a few less stabs!). 

Getting the IV station up and running again. I would pay good money to see them reduce packaging and to provide Tobi in 8ml vials! 



Monday, 26 July 2021

Hospital

He’s not good. 
Like, cough ALL NIGHT not good.
When I do sleep, I have nightmares about hemoptysis. 
I can’t imagine how tired he must be. 
I sneak in to take his O2 sats when he finally manages to doze. 
Still, he is not happy about going in. 
He needs IV’s for sure. 
But a possible admission to the ward? 
That’s going to be a hard sell in the summer holidays, unless he admits how bad he feels. 
Which he never does. 

Emergency hospital review tomorrow. 




Wednesday, 14 July 2021

July and sad goodbyes

Up until a couple of days ago, I could say that was Isaac was doing really well, for which we are super grateful. Hopefully the last couple of days is a blip he will get over quickly (we’re waiting on lab results to see what he is growing on his chest), if not, he will be reviewed in clinic. I don’t sleep so well when he coughs all night (the worry, rather than the noise, as I usually sleep like a baby stone) but he never complains (that boy ❤️). 

A huge wish of mine was that he would have a good long summer, following the end of school and his (not actually taking) GCSE’s. We await his teacher assessment grades in August. In September, he starts a course for Carpentry and Joinery, following his Dads footsteps into a trade. Not necessarily a career best suited to someone with a lung condition, but his choice, and I know he will excel in this. 

He has had numerous appointments lately, and one outcome was our almost discharge from scoliosis clinic. He has a curvature of his spine which has worsened over his teenage years as he has grown (not necessarily CF related, but may be) but it is mild (14 degrees - only at 40 would they consider surgery). As it is, he will hopefully never notice it, but if he has another growth spurt (not likely now, at 16 and a half) it could become worse, so they will see him one last time before discharging him at 18. 

We’ve also had emotional discussions with our CF team about his impending transition to adult care. This is a team who we have been with throughout. Some of whom have been with us from the very start. They have been witness to us at our very lowest, and sometimes, our most jubilant. Most importantly, they have been there for us always, only a call or email away. I cannot tell you how much we appreciate and adore our team, in particular our longest serving specialist CF nurse, Caroline, whose calm presence has in no small way saved me a million times. We all talk about how our NHS go above and beyond, but Isaac and I witness and personally benefit from this on a very regular basis. We are humbled and beyond grateful, and will pay our thanks to them all before we leave. 

It might not sound like much, since our Adult care team (The lush new Royal Papworth) is now on site with Addenbrookes, so we’re still heading to the same location, but this is an immense change for us. Isaac is now too old for a paediatric ward, so until we can get into Papworth (there is a bit of a backlog due to COVID) he is at risk of being admitted to a general adult ward should he get ill. When we do get to Papworth, the rules are all different (as I understand them, but my knowledge is limited, as due to the pandemic we have had limited transition clinics). I’ll no longer be able to stay with him on the ward (and have never left him before); He doesn’t have to invite me into clinic appointments; I am no longer consulted, or necessarily informed; Critically, they operate a different policy on home IVs. Right now, when Isaac is well enough but still needs IVs, we do the first dose in clinic (in case of a reaction to the drugs) and then I administer the two week course at home and de-access his port myself. The only help we have is the community nurses coming three times during the course for abx blood levels. Of course we are admitted when he is more unwell or if he needs extra tests or treatment, but this home IV regime, when we can, is massively beneficial to us all. He gets to sleep and recover in his own bed, go to school, see friends, and be with his family. In adult care, from what we hear, they keep you in as standard for the first week of IVs, and only allow home IVs for the second. Considering at his worst, Isaac had 10 courses of IVs in a single year, this could be massive for us. 

Both Rosa and Anouk have been isolating lately, due to positive cases in their school classes. Frustrating now we head into school holidays, but it is what it is, and for the sake of others, we follow the rules. Dan, Isaac and I are all now double vaxxed, and thankful. 

Love, love, love ❤️ 

The red balloon. 1956. 




Saturday, 5 June 2021

Buckets of freckles.

Isaac is doing super well. Latest DIOS episode resolved, and the Cipro, which rarely works for him these days (often only delaying IVs) seems to have worked its old magic. His chest sounds good, and he was able to enjoy a luscious family and friends camping trip, swimming in the river for hours. Like me, he looks like he’s had a bucket of freckles thrown at him. 

With his LAST EVER day of secondary school behind him, he is free for the summer. Immensely hoping he gets to enjoy this special teeny time and CF effs off and allows him this. 

Have a great day x