Thursday 31 March 2022

Genuine highlight of my week...

 ... was collecting a huge, juicy, sputum sample from Isaac to send to the lab. For me, this is gold in a pot.  

Not, of course that he should have so much damn mucous to cough up, nor that it was dark and way too sticky - but because without lab results on what his lungs are actually growing at any given time, treatment is still a bit of a stab in the dark.

Isaac’s lungs have been colonised with the bacterial bug PseudoA for the last 15+ years (I so distinctly remember the hospital call to inform me when he first grew this bug; the cold of the bench that I sat on outside the Edinburgh building, even the scent of the nearby bush... and most of all the awful understanding of what this news meant...). He also has regular fungal invasions (Aspergillus) as well the the odd random growth of NTM family bugs, or Staph, or some other delightful bacteria..... all of which battle it out for Top Dog in his already damaged and scarred lungs. 

Knowing exactly what is his lungs are growing at any given time means we can adjust his treatment accordingly and target the arsenal that we have at the right bugs. This knowledge is powerful. 

We are still waiting for Isaac’s PIP back payments. Worse, we have no sinus surgery date. Worse still, his lungs are really impacted by this cycle of sinus to lung infection. Mega dose steroids have helped a little, but his lung function is dropping. 

He still never complains. 

My heart, my love, my joy x 



Saturday 19 March 2022

The court has ruled.

Finally got the letter from court today, following days of butterflies. 

The judge and panel ruled massively in our favour! Not only is Isaac awarded PIP for daily living restrictions, he was given the enhanced rate (we thought after the initial rejection that he might only be awarded standard rate, if at all), as well as standard mobility (which I had not thought we even applied for!). On top of this, the award is not only backdated from when his DLA payments ended last year, but covers five years (some are only given for two years) meaning we don’t need to reapply in all that time. 

We nervously opened the letter together. I felt sick with worry that I may have let him down. The relief is palpable. Isaac is delighted. I truly cannot thank Sangeeta and the CF Trust enough for their invaluable support, advice, and immense knowledge on this subject. 

I could bang on for hours about how and why Isaac deserves this support, but I expect I don’t need to here.  

Thank you for all the love and support that we have received. Love love love! 

Some happy photos x 




Tuesday 15 March 2022

I saw the light fading out

Tribunal was today. A blur! 

Felt almost like a job interview, but one where you describe the worst job in the world. The one that no one would ever want. 

I was questioned for an hour, which is much less than I had feared or expected (I was told some tribunals last 2-3 hours). My representative from the CF Trust, Sangeeta, was not only amazing on the legalities side, but also gave me the strength to carry on. I cannot thank Sangeeta and the CF Trust enough for their incredible support. 

For any CF peeps applying for PIP; I strongly recommend gaining free advice from the CF Trust before applying. Had we done so, we may have been able to avoid this proceeding altogether. To support the amazing work that the CF Trust do to support the CF Community, alongside all the essential research that they fund, please donate here, thank you. (And for the generous Anon donation this week, which I can only assume is a close friend, thank you so much!). 

Isaac wasn’t well enough to attend (laid out in bed with sinus headache, cough, and a bad tummy from an incorrect creon dose with his pizza the night before) but I think of this now as a blessing; he doesn’t need to hear the difficulties of his everyday life articulated, spelled out, and interrogated in this incredibly detailed way, for strangers that are judging his (largely invisible) disease and how it impacts him individually. This is his reality and he’s lived with this all his life. He has two perfectly well siblings; he fully understands the difference between their lives/health and his. 

The panel was made up of a judge, a GP and a disabilities expert. Mostly the questions were well meaning and felt...alright. Only the GP did query why Isaac was not yet on CFTR modulators (such as Kaftrio), despite the fact that I had explained why Isaac was in the 10% of people with CF for whom the current generation of drugs would never work very clearly in his paperwork, as had his CF nurse, and the CF social worker; suggesting he had not fully read our case. Still, it gave me the chance to explain this fully which was good. The supporting letter from the CF Trust and his ENT surgeon also proved powerful, I think. 

I felt sick in the days before. Thinking I might let him down when he needs me most. And I felt sick going into it. 

Isaac, on the other-hand was actually sick in bed, but gave me a huge hug the day before, and after, thanking me.... but he shouldn’t have to thank me, should he? We shouldn’t even have this fight on our hands.... CF is a progressive, genetic disease, for which he has already been classified by the DLA as being breathing disabled *and this review only came about as he transferred from DLA to PIP after he turned 16. 

Despite that fact that they make the decision immediately after the case, we now await the decision by post.... POST! A few anxious days at most, we hope. 

Thank you all so much for the kind messages of support. My stress levels are still stars high, but I can see the light fading now x 


*T’was the Twattish Tories that introduced PIP as an alternative to DLA, and despite a rise in population, it was all about cost savings in social care;

“Although PIP was expected to cut costs by 20% over the longer term, costs were forecast to rise by £1billion to £15.4billion in 2015-16, partly due to a rise in mental health issues and learning disabilities.”

“The Multiple Sclerosis Society of Great Britain produced a report about its members experiences of the test in September 2015. 1,780 participated. 42% of those who had a face-to-face [PIP) assessment said the hidden symptoms of the condition had not been taken into account. More than a third said face-to-face assessments had caused their condition to relapse or deteriorate.” Wikipedia. 

Willem de Kooning, Untitled IV, 1982. Hope to share some amazing Ukrainian art next time. 



Wednesday 9 March 2022

Tribunals, surgery and heartache

My heart actually aches. Can that be right? Certainly my body does. 

Isaac is suffering. His surgeon called me today (I almost sobbed with gratitude). Although Isaac is on the priority list (because of CF, he is treated as priority P2 alongside cancer patients) due to NHS backlogs, the wait could still be up to three months. 

The fact that his consultant took the time out of his day to call, to explain, to care, and to complain about the state of the NHS (which leaves people in pain this long) along with me, is, beyond touching. He told me how he feels bad for taking annual leave at times, his backlog is so long (I told him not to). Something is broken and it’s not only my heart and sanity. When you vote next, please consider this. 

I’m often asked if we can go private? Not an option unfortunately. We would beg, borrow and steal to do so if we could, however no surgeon would operate on him in private care due to his CF lungs and associated risks with infection and anaesthesia. He needs easy access to ICU. 

So for now, we wait. We pass the ice packs. Keep the painkillers in stock. Smother him in love. He’s not currently able to go to college (the headaches are too bad) and the impact of this additional time off....? Well, we’ll figure that out later. Worryingly the longer we wait, the higher the risk that the sinus issues further impacts his lungs, and we’re only now getting over the last admission and IVs. 

Alongside this, we are preparing for court next week - a tribunal to appeal against his Personal Independence Payments (PIP) decision. I’m not sure I have it in me to write much about this just yet, only that it’s like baring your bloody and beaten soul; having to articulate everything that is hard about daily life with CF; acknowledging the prognosis; detailing the very mundane but personal challenges to strangers, and fighting for something that is the very, very least that he deserves - with a ton of bureaucracy thrown on top (his case is over 120 pages of documentation so far; I’m going to my Dads caravan this weekend to work through this and prepare statements simply because I need to be alone to get through it and I’ll be rubbish company in that time). 

CF is a genetic, progressive disease, for which there is no cure or even treatment for the underlying cause of the disease in his case. And still they challenge that he needs extra support?

I cannot thank the CF Trust enough for the support that they are giving us through this process - I consider myself pretty resilient normally, but this is close to breaking me, and without them, I’m not sure I could continue. I’ll update on this after the case, as I’m fast learning about the process and maybe others can benefit from our experience. 

I hate writing this kind of post, I really do. I’ve been putting it off for weeks. But then I talk to the kids all day about being open about mental well-being. In truth? They are so much better at it than I am (which I’m so glad of). 

We are also thinking of, angry for, and sending funds and love to those in Ukraine πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ 

It is hard to see all the beauty in life when the suffering takes such a violent forefront. 

Love x 

That smile.... ♥️