Exhausted.

We have been moved to a new bed right by the nurses station for closer monitoring. I am sat opposite a cheerful sign that says 'Smile each day!' - and I'm bloody trying to, but Isaac is more poorly everyday. His oxygen saturation levels are monitored constantly, and you fast become obsessed with the numbers. Yesterday I was willing it to stay above 90, and did a little celebratory dance at 94. Today he is struggling to get to 88 on 5 litres of oxygen, and 78 is his new low. He preferred the nasal specs he used for a while last night, but really needs humidified O2 which means a mask instead. This is warm, wet and very noisy. He is exhausted from coughing so much, as well as having very very little sleep. He can no longer have even short breaks from the O2, going to the toilet leaves him gasping and dizzy. When he does eat (very little) he has to hold the mask near his mouth while he chews. Apple juice through a straw in the gaps of the mask are our best way of keeping his energy up. 

They have added a new IV antibiotic to the mix, to make it three different drugs (Ceftaz, Tobi and Meropenem) in seven separate doses. Strangely my job has become easier, as he's temporarily dropping four of his usual nebuliser drugs, as they simply aren't cutting through the gunk on his chest. He wheezes, crackles and sounds like he is breathing through treacle - this is endurance breathing; like running a marathon in a spacesuit. Tired doesn't quite cut it. If he continues to stuggle we will be moved to the high dependency unit so that he can use a C-PAP machine; 

"Continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) is a form of positive airway pressure ventilator, which applies air pressure on a continuous basis to keep the airways continuously open in people who are able to breathe spontaneously on their own."

This will assist his breathing and he won't have to work so hard.

His job is to do all the physio, cough even when it hurts, take his IVs and keep his mask O2 on. Mine is to watch his numbers, give him his normal meds, chest percussion, foot rubs and encouragement. This won't last forever, but to him it feels like it might.