I'm thinking of it like this; my bladder was put into an induced coma for a week to let it rest, and then awoken not feeling happy to say the least. And so a further induced coma is required (and antibiotics) to let the catheter do all the work the bladder normally would. After which we hope it will play ball. I cannot describe exactly how it feels to sit on a toilet, desperate to go but unable to.... if you've ever had a UTI you'll kind of understand, although the pain is different. The opposite of urinary incontinance.... It's a sulking, stubborn, bladder tantrum, refusing to let go to spite me, with some kicks in the abdomen for good measure.
As if I needed it, the words 'disposable self-catheterisation kits' gave the incentive to keep trying more weight; I'm back in hospital later this week to give it another trial, and try my very best I will. Huge kudos to people living with long term issues of this kind. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's not much fun either. I can't go to work or walk my dog, but my sock drawer has never been tidier.
We have CF clinic and a few Isaac related issues to tackle next.... so I need to get well asap. Read something promising here about Pseudomonas and biofilms. I always imagine these biofilms like those slimy green sea weeds that make you slip when you're rock climbing - in Isaac's lungs biofilms help shield the bacteria from the antibiotics that we throw at them, so if we can tackle these, our arsenal could get a whole lot more powerful....
Anyway, the whole debacle with my own health has left me pretty much house bound at times, and we couldn't have managed without our families and friends, helping, visiting and calling to keep me sane, taking the piss (not literally, but I suppose they could help with that too now...), and keeping the humour in everything. But most of all to Dan and the kids, thank you for letting me rest when I've needed to, and for not tripping over my pee bag. Love you all, my A-team x
