Strange looks from cows

Isaac needs more sinus surgery, and this time, it’s going to be an much bigger op than the last time (...think bone being chiselled away and a three month recovery time... sob). On finding this out, I walked Obie deep into the green fens and had a little scream, tore at the grass, and stomped my feet like a toddler. The cows stared but seemed quite used to this kind of behaviour. Who knows what else they witness? 

This is his third lot of sinus surgery in the last three years. The polyps which seem to love populating his poor sinuses are more common in CF patients, and he is one of the unlucky ones in this respect. We knew after the first surgery that they may come back. And after the second, that a bigger op would be required if they came back yet again. But this soon? His last op was just before lockdown. That sucks. 

Isaac is his usual stoic and heroic self. He knows that from now the headaches will only build and build, and daily life goes slowly from hard, to intolerable. But there is no choice to make, really. Only surgery can help now. 

His surgeon from the last two ops wants to do this himself, as he knows Isaac’s anatomy (scarring from previous ops included) but due to COVID, waiting lists are longer than ever, and planned surgery may go on hold again should there be another peak. We do not have the luxury of going private, as due to his CF, he is high risk for anaesthetic and post op infection, so needs his CF team to be there too - so we’ll likely need to fight for him to get up the list again. 

As with any surgery, they must outline the risks, and now Isaac is old enough to decide for himself, they described these to him: Death and the potential to go blind (since they operate so close to the eyes). Super. 

Imagine being 15 and taking all that in? But also knowing, you have no choice? 

It is like a dagger in my heart that my son has to face these things, again and again and again. And now, three days back into school he came home coughing like a trooper. Day four, he is off sick. COVID? CF exacerbation, despite his last IVs being in July? The vicious cycle of lungs and sinuses infecting each other does not help either. Can he not get a break? 

Everyday I wish I could take it all away from him. 

I’m frustrated, but also thinking of all my friends having a super tough time right now; grieving for loved ones, coping with cancer diagnoses, my fellow CF families, and my friends struggling with both physical and mental ill health in these tricky times x 

J

Walberswick, Suffolk UK. 

Thank you Sarah for a wonderful weekend away, love you loads ❤️