Isaac is in trouble at school. He's in trouble at home too. All at once. Glowing reports every year, then suddenly he's like this. Teenage angst before time. He gets SO ANGRY at times, which I can understand. I really don't believe that we let him get away with anything just because of his CF, apart from chores perhaps - since he spends a couple of hours doing nebulisers, and learning how to mix up his own drugs, it hardly seems fair to make him empty the dishwasher too. Not yet anyway. He is relatively well right now, so no obvious reason as to why he is acting out so much suddenly. Secondary school looming perhaps? His PE teacher said she had never had to really tell him off in all 6 years of teaching him, until these last weeks, she can't understand it either. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's no angel at the best of times, he is a strong personality. But he has good bones. Right now, he's just acting out of them.
This (amongst other things) has been making me feel like I must be somehow failing him. And if I'm failing him, then I must be failing them all. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Three kids, dog, husband. Work is full on. Constant restructures leave everyone unsettled. We need the stability of my work to offset Dan's self-employedness. But maybe my work is no longer a sure thing. Should I work more, while I can? Or be home more? I've always said I would only work for as long as he is well enough for me to do so, but as well as physical wellness, there is the mental. Mine and his!
A few times this week, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me, at least small tugs. Thinking of a friend who lost her little one, and Jayne, on the painful road of recovery. Immigrants getting colder on the streets as winter comes, the children..........
And then people are kind, and reassuring, and wise, and these gestures help pick you back up, whoosh! There is so much sadness in this world. But much kindness too.
Clearly I am feeling soppy tonight. Forgive me.
