You were such a smiley baby, always on the go. I remember holding a friends baby girl one day, and thinking there must be something wrong, she sat still... Was that even possible? We called you a multitude of names (a few which I will list here just to embarrass you; our tinkleberry, Isey bonisey, bonbon, cheekycheekynose, poppychops). We would just look at you, and look at you, and marvel some more. We had a baby monitor with a camera over your cot, which meant we could watch you on our TV at night. With every toss and turn, we ohh'd and ahh'd.
I knew you, really knew you. I had a new pea in my pod. We laughed at the same things. You loved diggers (your first word 'didder, didder!') and Thomas, and so I did too. I loved humous and butterfly kisses, and so you did too. Dad would rush home from work to lay on your bedroom floor for hours, teaching you to roll over, or playing games under the covers.
Always on the go. Fidgety. Funny. Active. A water baby, always wanting to swim. So very sociable, always wanting to be with your cousin. You craved fun with friends. Becoming a brother, you were better than we ever hoped you would be. You loved little Shnuks passionately. Like you loved Rosa again years later.
Your growing independence would have been so hard for me, had I not had Anouk and Rosa to fill that cuddle time. But I still miss you. Luckily at nights I can get my fix, occasionally still crawling into your bed, where you immediately shift over and spoon, like we were never apart.
I love you my gorgeous boy. I could not be prouder. You are everything I had dreamt of, and more.
I had a moment after you were born, a sharp intake of breath, and a sinking feeling so hard, instantly winding me; a pain. It was the enormous realisation that I loved you more than I could have ever imagined my heart being capable of, and that whilst I would protect you with my life, there may be some things even a mothers love cannot protect you from. What had I signed myself up for? A life time of BIG LOVE but worlds of worry? Your Dad picked me up, and I knew that having you made me and him a team, for life. Whatever happened, we would always be your parents. We could love and protect you together.
Three weeks later, we found out you had CF.
Happy tenth birthday my amazing boy, you make me laugh every day, and a teeny tiny bit of me is still reeling from the shock 'it's my baby!'.
Always, Mama x
