I've always been heavily on the side of nature in the whole nature nurture debate. I honesty believe I could have fairly accurately described my kids personalities, broadly speaking, by the time they were just a few weeks old. Isaac is active, cheeky and smiley. He is very quick to forgive and forget and never holds a grudge. He fidgets, non stop. Anouk is sweet, tactile and thoughtful, and cautious physically, but very very loud. Rosa is cuddly and crazy stubborn (and so hilarious with it). They are all so different.
I don't believe I have treated them very differently, although I suppose there is a difference in the time I get to spend with each, as his treatments insist. We do try and make it a family thing as much as we can, and all three have been known to lie down for 'patacakes' (percussion physio). But one way we have most definitely not treated them differently is in terms of fun and freedom.
There are certain bugs which live in soil, stagnant water, compost, hot humid environments like greenhouses.... Which wouldn't be a problem to someone with healthy lungs, but these bugs love a CF lung. Therefore there are certain activities that are best avoided. When you have a baby, this is easily done, but less so as they get older. So, like all parenting decisions, you find a balance that suits your child, your family, your level of sanity.
We avoid the obvious risks; jacuzzi's (full of pseudomonas, jacuzzis are responsible for many an ear infections in anyone); stagnant water around the house (vases of cut flowers left for days); pond dipping in stinky ponds; playing in composts or greenhouses; damp and mould; mucking out stables.
We don't stop him; playing in the garden; swimming; playing football and rugby in mud; going to farms; canoeing...... After all, exercise is hugely important in CF health too, and psychologically, so is being allowed to feel normal. In other words, we make a judgement call. Pseudomonas and other bugs like it are everywhere; They are in the air we breathe and the grass we sit on. We cannot protect them from everything. Exercise and enjoying the activities that he shares with his friends are vital to his physical and mental health.
One of the saddest things I heard at a CF conference a few years ago was a Dad who stood up and said that he had never let his child kick through leaves in the autumn, and not just that, he was also struggling to explain to his son WHY he was not allowed to, as he had yet to tell him that he had CF. The boy was 9.
Isaac has grown up around the words Cystic Fibosis, and although his understanding about his condition comes in stages, I'm so glad that he never has to go through a sudden realisation about what he has. To me, a sudden realisation later in childhood is much worse than a childhood always knowing about your condition. For those diagnosed late this is unavoidable, but to hide it, and yet limit his life at the same time.... ? I don't agree with that.
I know this is about fear. And it is crippling (I was much more protective too when he was smaller). But in nurturing them, we also need to let them free a little too.
Nature or nurture, I think that Isaac's personality will help him through his life with all the extra things he has to do to stay well. That's not to say he doesn't get hugely pissed off with it at times, and he certainly lets us know when he feels like that. But he gets over it pretty quick. He doesn't dwell. I could have told you that when he was a baby. He is every bit as fabulous as I ever dreamt he would be. They all are. Our cheeky boy, our thoughtful girl, and our fiercely funny baby.
Have a great day.
